Clickbait of the Week: Tiffani Thiessen’s “Saved By the Bell” Drama

This week’s clickbait is generational, so maybe I’ll give you a little context just in case you weren’t born between 1978-1988. There was this show in the early 90’s called Saved by the Bell. It was a high school comedy for young teens. To say we liked this show is like saying The Rolling Stones were kinda popular; that Americans like pizza. Let me put it this way: in high school my friends and I would play Saved by the Bell trivia. I stumped my friend Steve one day, and he was so furious about it, with the question: how many tennis rackets does the king of Lichtenberg own? (I am not joking.)

When he didn’t know the answer he started his pulling his hair out.

But that’s not the only thing that makes this clickbait to good not to bite. Everyone on this show was attractive, but all thirteen to eighteen year old boys were especially in love with Kelly Kapowski, who was played by Tiffani Thiessen. She was the sweet, supportive, and also very beautiful cheerleader. The gang in Saved by the Bell (literally what they were called—“the gang”) was popular in the story of Bayside High, but Kelly wasn’t the snobby, popular cheerleader (the one that actually went to your high school) who only dated the quarterback. Her man was Zack—and he was not athletic. He was just a goofball/con artist/funny guy—popular, but not a traditional student.

So see why I clicked? I took one look at that title: “Tiffani Thiessen Almost Quit ‘Saved By the Bell’ Because of What This Cast Member Did . . .

And I just had to know.

Here’s the link. Don’t click on it!

Because this article, “Tiffani Thiessen Almost Quit ‘Saved By the Bell’ Because of What This Cast Member Did” is actually called: “26 Saved By The Bell Secrets Revealed.” The first secret? That Tiffani Thiessen dated a 19 year old when she was fourteen. Now, this is a very clever first “secret” because it gives us, the readers (men in their 30’s who were in love with her), the Tiffani info we’re so craving for right now. What I’m saying is I bet you that if they put another secret there from another cast member, the bounce rate from the website would be very high. Imagine this—we go there for Tiffani Thiessen gossip, and you tell me that Screech had a coke/oxycodone habit when he was 30? Do you think I give a crap about Screech? I want Tiffani dammit! Therefore, they supplied a little teaser. Here’s some titillating info about Tiffani. But was it what we were looking for? No, of course not. There’s 25 more slides to click through, all with pop up ads and computer viruses (Russians?) waiting to attack you.

After that it’s blah blah blah—everyone hated Dustin Diamond; maybe Mark-Paul Gosselaar took steroids; why there was that one weird season with Tori instead of Kelly and Jessie Spano. One really interesting thing though: Mark Paul Gossleaar and Lark Voorhies (aka, Lisa Turtle) dated for three years. That’s kind of cool.

Who almost made Tiffani Thiessen quit? Who gives a shit? That show ruled!!